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in the sight of the men who went with you
The abstract noun "sight" can be expressed with the verb "watching." AT: "while the men who went with you are watching" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-abstractnouns)
Yahweh of hosts says this
Jeremiah often uses these words to introduce an important message from Yahweh. See how you translated this in Jeremiah 6:6.
this is Yahweh's declaration
Yahweh speaks of himself by name to express the certainty of what he is declaring. See how you translated this in Jeremiah 1:8. AT: "this is what Yahweh has declared" or "this is what I, Yahweh, have declared" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-123person)
it could not be repaired again
This can be stated in active form. AT: "no one can repair it again" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)