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General Information:
In these verses, the word "her" refers to the city of Babylon.
because of the fear of her torment
This can be restated to remove the abstract nouns "fear" and "torment." AT: "because they will be afraid of God tormenting them they way he torments her" or "because they will be afraid of suffering the way she is suffering" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-abstractnouns)
weeping and mourning loudly
This is what the merchants will be doing. AT: "and they will weep and mourn loudly"
the great city that was dressed in fine linen
Throughout this chapter, Babylon is spoken of as if it were a woman. The merchants speak of Babylon as being dressed in fine linen because its people were dressed in fine linen. AT: "the great city, which was like a woman dressed in fine linen" or "the great city, whose women were dressed in fine linen" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metaphor and rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metonymy)
that was dressed in fine linen
This can be stated in active form. AT: "that wore fine linen" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
was adorned with gold
This can be stated in active form. AT: "adorned herself with gold" or "adorned themselves with gold" or "wore gold" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
precious jewels
"valuable gems" or "treasured gems"
pearls
beautiful and valuable white beads. They are formed inside the shell of a certain kind of small animal that lives in the ocean. See how you translated this in Revelation 17:4. (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/translate-unknown)
whose living is made from the sea
The phrase "from the sea" refers to what they do on the sea. AT: "who travel on the sea to make their living" or "who sail on the sea to different places in order to trade things" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metonymy)