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days are coming ... when the city will be rebuilt
Future time is spoken of as if the "days are coming." See how you translated this metaphor in Jeremiah 7:32. AT: "in the future ... the city will be rebuilt" or "there will be a time ... when the city will be rebuilt" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-metaphor)
this is Yahweh's declaration
Yahweh speaks of himself by name to express the certainty of what he is declaring. See how you translated this in Jeremiah 1:8. AT: "this is what Yahweh has declared" or "this is what I, Yahweh, have declared" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-123person)
the city will be rebuilt for me
This can be translated in active form. AT: "they will rebuild the city for me" or "I will have them rebuild the city" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-activepassive)
Tower of Hananel ... Corner Gate ... hill of Gareb ... Goah ... Kidron Valley ... Horse Gate
These are the names of places. (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/translate-names)