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the word of Yahweh came to Jeremiah, saying, "Yahweh
This idiom is used to introduce a special message from God. See how you translated a similar phrase in Jeremiah 1:4. AT: "Yahweh gave a message to Jeremiah. He said, 'Yahweh" or "Yahweh spoke this message to Jeremiah: 'Yahweh" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-idiom)
Yahweh of hosts ... says this
Jeremiah often uses these words to introduce an important message from Yahweh. See how you translated this in Jeremiah 6:6.
Will you not receive correction and listen to my words?
Yahweh is telling Israel to listen carefully to his rebuke. AT: "You must certainly receive this correction and listen to my words." (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-rquestion)
this is Yahweh's declaration
Yahweh speaks of himself by name to express the certainty of what he is declaring. See how you translated this in Jeremiah 1:8. AT: "this is what Yahweh has declared" or "this is what I, Yahweh, have declared" (See: rc://en/ta/man/translate/figs-123person)